This week I learned about sexual intimacy. Why was this the
focus of this week and why am I writing this blog about it? There are so many misconceptions
that the media portrays about how sex is. Sex education is something that
parents need to teach their children (See "A Parent's Guide" in Additional Resources below). There is a lot of potential joy that can
come from sex if it is done in the right way. Another important aspect about
sex to remember is that it is a sacred act between a husband and wife. It is
not something that is dirty or that should be just for fun.
There are four parts of the sexual response cycle. There is
excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Throughout this explanation we will
be sure to pinpoint the differences between men and women during their sexual
experience.
The first stage is the excitement period. This is the buildup
stage. Physical and emotional sensation changes and blood flow gets redirected
to the genitals and the breast tissue. There is also increased energy and
sensitivity to the nerves and muscles throughout the body. This stage may or
may not lead to the next stage. I say may or may not because a couple might be
in this stage, but then an interruption might occur. (Their baby starts to cry,
a telephone rings, etc.) This is the beginning stage that will lead into the
plateau stage. Men are aroused much faster than women.
The plateau stage is what prepares the way for orgasm. Men
might have a hard time controlling ejaculation which will cause their plateau
stage to be short. A woman might have a brief plateau right before orgasm. If a
couple gets a longer plateau then they will feel a high sexual intensity and it will
feel like a sexual high. Both the male and female bodies will start to feel the
physiological changes during this period. Besides the change they will feel in
their sex organs, a couple will also experience faster heartbeats, faster
breathing, and increased blood pressure.
The orgasm is the third stage. Orgasm is the shortest stage
in the sexual intimacy cycle. “Orgasm is a discharge of the sexual tension that
has been built up and maintained during the plateau. Usually it involves
muscular contractions and intense physical feelings that occur in the matter of
a few seconds and are followed by rapid relaxation” (Lauer, (2012) P.
79-80). This could be uncontrollable muscle spasms in the intimate parts of the
body as well as in the face. This is a signal of high arousal. Women can have
multiple orgasms if they proceed to have stimulation. Men have orgasms in two
phases: ejaculation and muscular contractions that lead to ejaculation. Men
want to have sex because they want to feel close warm and safe to his partner.
Women will not have an orgasm unless she already feels close, warm and safe to
her partner. She literally opens herself up to him, and she will not do this
unless she feels these three things: close, warm, and safe.
The last stage is the resolution period. This is the period where
the males and females return to their normal state before sexual arousal. For
men the refractory period is part of the resolution period. This is the recovery
period. This can last for minutes or hours. This is the most enjoyable and pleasurable
stage. This is where we hear about the “afterglow.” If there was not an orgasm
during sex then the resolution period will take a bit longer.
It’s important to remember that parts that are pleasurable
to him in one stage will be painful to her, and then what will be pleasurable
to her will be painful to him. Research has shown that men and women have a
more enjoyable experience when they forget about their pleasure and they focus
on their spouse. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-4 we read:
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye
wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to
avoid fornication let every man have his own wife, and let
every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband
render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife
unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not
power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not
power of his own body, but the wife.
Verse 2 is pretty straightforward. Every man should have a
wife and every woman should have a husband. His own. Not to share. This is how
to avoid fornication. Fornication is by definition of Webster’s dictionary “sexual
intercourse between people not married to each other.”
Due benevolence in verse 3 means that they have a right and
form of respect. It means that it is a gift that has not been earned, but it
has been given. Husband and wife should deliver benevolence to each other in everything
and this includes sex. What greater way can you imagine than to give yourself
to someone completely?
Verse 4 teaches that husband and wife are to give completely
to each other so a husband should not be selfish and neither should a woman.
The best sex comes from giving entirely to your spouse and vice versa.
Sex is beautiful. When it happens with the right
person then it can bring complete joy. This is just a snidbit of the
wonderfulness that comes from sex in a married unit. There is so much more that
is very important, but that will be it for this week. Let me know in the comments
what you think and if you have any more questions.
Below are some additional resources to read and ponder on.
"A Parent's Guide"
"Love and Marriage" by Sister Wendy Watson Nelson
Lauer, Robert H., and Lauer, Jeanette C. (2012) Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy, 8th Edition. Boston: McGraw-Hill
Wow! This is very interesting! Thanks for sharing!
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